Ok, I get it. Internal conflict is a natural part of this process. The self-doubt, denial and down right stupidity. I remember it when I first realized I was attracted to women, even worse when I started feeling like I needed to tell people. So I’ve sort of vaguely spoken to my sister-in-law (and as a result my older brother) about everything I’ve been feeling. When I did, I told her I was frustrated with my gender identity and that I wasn’t sure what I’d planned on doing about it. While not totally untrue, I also don’t feel like it fully reflects my feelings and current thoughts. End result? I’m frustrated with myself.
She was supportive. She assured me that they, and their kids, would love me know matter what. I know it’s true from them, and yet somehow I couldn’t muster the courage to really talk to her about it. I’m having trouble really talking to my closest friends about it (fiancee aside) and I’m losing hope in my ability to talk to my younger brother this week while I’m down visiting him. I know I just need to bite the bullet, but that’s easier said than done.
On a plus side, fiancee and I ordered our save the dates the other day, so I’ll call that a win.
Until Next Time,