Grandparents are Weird

My grandmother’s a strange woman. Wonderful, but strange. She’s very much an embodiment of the Christian adage “love the sinner, hate the sin”. When I first told her I was attracted to women, she told me the same thing she told my gay cousin “I love you dearly, but I don’t agree with your choices. Also I don’t want you to get AIDs and die.” Cute the warm and fuzzies, right?

It’s equal parts frustrating and relieving. On one hand, I have a reasonable expectation that she’s not going to disown me. She’s been very diligent about trying to use the right name/pronouns. She messes up…a lot…but she also corrects herself about 90% of the time. When I came out to her as trans, she told me she loved me. She told me she didn’t understand, but she loved me. And then reiterated that she wouldn’t be going to my wedding because me marrying a woman is going against God’s word. So there’s a bit of a disconnect.

So the other day, someone taught her all about texting and selfies and email. She sent me a long text message asking for my email address and explaining how sad she was that she was going to miss the wedding because she didn’t feel like she could condone it, as a “good Christian” but telling me that she was overjoyed for me and would be thinking about me on my wedding day. Now I’ve mentioned on here several times that I felt like I needed to find a way to address this, so finally, two weeks before the wedding, I did.

Hey, Mommom

I got your text message. This is my email address if you ever need to send me an email. 🙂 Look at you all up to date on technology.

I understand where you’re coming from with your hesitancy to come to my wedding, but as I understand it, Jesus Himself didn’t say anything in particular about homosexual marriage. I know Paul did and I know there’s a lot in Leviticus about it, but Jesus did not explicitly forbid it. Jesus did say that the God of the Old Testament was an angry God and set forth a lot of rules which we no longer need to abide by. Obviously in saying this, Jesus did not mean that we should run around murdering one another or being adulterous, but we are no longer required to avoid pork and seafood. Our fabrics can be mixes of cotton and polyester, which is also forbidden in Leviticus. In the times when the rules about love and marriage were set forth, women were considered property and marriage was more like a business transaction between a man and the father of the bride.

We’ve come a long way since then, where a woman is allowed to marry whomever she pleases, regardless of race or gender. There was a time not too long ago where my parent’s marriage was considered illegal – even for reasons of the Bible saying that the races were different and shouldn’t mix. But you have two grandchildren and a great grandson because of an interracial marriage.

Melissa and I understand completely if you can’t make it – we don’t want to force our views on you and we will always love you and come visit you. I don’t want you to worry that you’ll lose us if you don’t come…that’s just not true. You’ve always loved and accepted me no matter what and even if you didn’t agree with my opinions or actions and we will always do the same with you, too. But also know that you will be welcome there, even if it’s at the absolute last moment.

​Much love,

Her reaction? “Look at you….studying the bible and stuff”.

Not exactly the answer I was looking for, but she didn’t reiterate any further that she wasn’t coming. She didn’t say she was either. The best part about my grandmother, though, is that there’s always been respect for me as a person and that’s all any of us can ever ask for, I think.


3 thoughts on “Grandparents are Weird”

  1. Phenomenal letter! I am a liberal Christian and I believe Jesus is for gay marriage, trans, etc! 🙂 I sang at my friends gay wedding and they are both Christian. I don’t think anyone has the right to judge- that is so not Christian to me! You are so kind and compassionate w your grandma. Awesome letter!

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